Week 6 Review Pt 1

Watching the start of X Factor UK, you just have to appreciate how much more professional and in touch with the show, the audience, the judges and the contestants is Dermot O'Leary in comparison to the dreadful Khloe Kardashian on the USA version.

Tonight One Direction will be performing. I was wondering whether Simon Cowell would be coming across with them. He is bound to put an appearance in at some stage and that would have been a good opportunity. That group performed on both Wednesday and Thursday night shows across the Pond so I expected them to a number sitting down after flying across last night. Just as well they have a slow number out at the moment.

Old Baloney kicks off the show with the Elton John track I'm Still Standing. That's a good 80s track but he is so bland and it comes and goes in meaningless and very uninspiring style. To be fair the notes were right and in the right order but really that is all I cans ay to his credit. Listening to others reviewing his performance afterwards and on Xtra Factor is getting quite painful now as everyone tries to be nice about him but it is so clear that only a bunch of Grannies and some huge group of people in Liverpool want him to win. Unfortunately there is either a massive number of them or not many voting for the others and he has managed to escape the bottom 2 all the way through so far. This could be the week, though.

Jahmene gets a head patting from Dermot after another of his slightly strange wailing performances of the big ballad, Angels (which I think I've heard quite enough of already!). He seems to miss notes quite wildly but then run around getting them back again and everyone says he's brilliant. I'd much prefer he just hit them first time and stayed on them. He is increasingly being fancied to win the thing and has that endearing quality that must appeal to the Granny Brigade and Older Mothers too. I can't imagine many teens voting though. Still, the way things are going, he's safe for another week.

District3 do Eric Calpton's Tears In Heaven. It's do or die for them this week. They need a superb performance and produced a 'pretty good' one. It's not the most spectacular of tracks, though, and, whilst one guy did stand out with a great voice, it may not have been enough to get piles of votes coming in. Much will depend on how well Union J do.

Written In The Stars is a Tinie Tempah track that I'm not familiar with and I may well not have heard it on Radio 2 anyway. Ella is back on top form with this, though. Possibly her best so far.

Rylan! Spice Girls? Good fun but this time the tuning was way,w ay out. and he didn't jump off the plane either. He's at risk.

Union J all serious and vocal. At a distance from each other something is missing. Once they get closer it works. I do have doubts still about how they'll do this week. They may have outperformed District3 but not by much.

James. Adel. Oh dear. Lots of painful expression. How will that go down with his fans I don't know but it may not matter.

It ought to be Old Baloney v Rylan but I have a feeling there'll be a surprise tomorrow.

Week 6 One of these has to go tomorrow

And here are the odds half an hour before the show starts. There hasn't been a predictable elimination yet and, despite Rylan and District3 being heavily fancied (again!) I'm not so sure. District3 escaped the bottom 2 last week and they will be trying extremely hard to get back in the competition which has largely gone Union J's way so far. Who goes could vary depending upon who they're up against. There aren't that many combinations really.

Ella, Jahmene and James against any others would survive.

Union J would survive against Rylan or Baloney but could conceivably tumble out against District 3 (bearing in mind that for the two groups to be in the bottom two would mean they've both under-performed so it could be anyone's guess from there).

District3 would beat Christopher as I think they'd get Tulisa and Nicole's votes. I suspect they'd beat Rylan too needing only one of the girls to support Gary and Louis.

That leaves Rylan v Old Baloney. Only Gary would vote for Old Baloney which would also see him gone.

So all that would mean goodbye to Old Baloney if he ends up in the bottom two. That's a big if.

One Direction Perform On X Factor USA

One Direction performing on X Factor USA this week. Another really successful act discovered, indeed actually constructed, on X Factor.



So please just think before you vote tonight. Do we really want Old Baloney representing UK talent? There's no way he should remain in this competition, although one thing he could do perhaps is take the compère job being so badly done by the annoying Khloe Kardashian.

So get ready, folks, it's nearly time to hide Granny's phone again!

Week 5 Results

Gary Barlow had that expression that made it clear he realised that one of his acts would be in the bottom two this week. Neither Kye nor Old Baloney had exactly shown that they were anything other than average, vaguely interesting in the case of the former or dated and likely to be forgotten come January in the case of the latter.

Kye does, at least, write his own songs, although the fact that the producers, whilst happily promoting James Arthur's skills on The Xtra Factor and, of course, Lucy Spraggan's on the main shows, haven't shown any raises the questions of just how good they might actually be. He reminds me of Alexander in Fame Academy, runner up to Alex Park, who did a lot of his own tracks but wasn't terribly great at singing them himself. Perhaps Kye will be representing us in Eurovision 2013.

I can see an album from Kye coming out and being sort of reasonable, with his gathering a small posse of fans and with a bit of luck his X Factor experience will mean he doesn't need to sweep too many more chimneys. He seems a nice enough bloke and may even have survived if he hadn't done the Rob Brydon impression on Saturday night or been wearing make-up that I can only assume had been left lying around after Hallowe'en.

Old Baloney had managed some decent notes in the well-chosen commercial track but his singing style, with massive gaps between each word, and general orange and brown appearance just cannot seriously be a good example of what the current British music scene wants to offer the world. Or our children for that matter. He may not descend to Wagner's low levels of appearance and lack of talent and weird, occasionally worrying personality, but beats everyone in averageness.

When interviewed on Xtra Factor after the results show, Kye was asked about Chris Maloney. Interestingly, he was stuck for something to say. He could easily have come out with some simple vaguely complimentary and harmless line and moved on but there was this blank look, a long pause and all he could say was something along the lines of Well, Christopher is Christopher. Olly Murs quickly moved on from that one!

The Results Show itself started with what was one of the worst let's-all-sing-along I can remember. Everyone seemed to be in a different key to the backing track and band. Dreadful and trying to watch James Arthur doing the commercial intro stuff is painful tv.

We did have some light relief from Rita Ora doing a Rihanna-type job quite well and No Doubt coming back from a long time ago and sounding very cool indeed.

Union J were delighted to escape the bottom two this week and were first to be called safe. After last week's surprise low votes they must have wondered what had happened to all the fans. Maybe they'd been taken away on holiday by their mums and dads at the start of half term. I honestly can't think of any other reason as there were several far worse. Anyway, back to this week, Ella, Jahmene, James all get through as you'd expect. It was down to Old Baloney, Kye, Rylan and the act that most people were predicting would go, District3.

When Christopher's name was called safe, Louis looked despondent. Even Dermot O'Leary's normally carefully non-expressive announcement had that slight sound of frustration  this time. Surely Kye would be next called, leaving Rylan and District3? No, it's District3 who are safe! They are absolutely delighted - and, I suspect, quite surprised, - and dance and hug everyone and let out some words that ITV didn't have time to bleep. So it's Kye and Rylan left standing. Gary's not looking as shocked as he might. Secretly, he's thinking that, at last, Rylan will be gone and Kye will live to sing another day.

Rylan sings first and delivers something quite different from what anyone would have expected. I didn't know the track but he used falsetto and his stronger ranges really well. This was heartfelt and showed, with no bum notes or fancy acting, that he is genuinely talented. I wouldn't buy his stuff but I would expect to see him on reality TV shows and genuinely entertaining people for some time yet, in the Jedward vein but with actual ability to get notes right. That might just save him.

Kye comes on stage and looks a bit better than the day before but still odd. He does, though, put in a very good vocal performance. Every note good and a more powerful performance than Rylan, beating him fairly and squarely on all fronts - except as an entertainer or as something current. Throughout Kye's performance, the camera catches Rylan's arm around Dermot's shoulder throughout the show, tapping appreciatively in time with Kye's song. I still can't get over how ruddy tall Rylan is, either, but that's another thing.

Now the judges have to vote. Gary and Nicole obviously vote for their guys. Louis I expecetd to go for Rylan but he chooses to save Kye. Hadn't expected that. Tulisa makes the very good point that it's Rylan that she and probably several hundred thousand viewers tune in to see rather than Kye. Good for her. Her decision leaves it to the public vote. I can see Rylan surviving after all now. He does. Remarkable.

There's a lot of sympathy for Kye who really had done well. Everyone is thinking it should have been Old Baloney up there saying farewell and certainly not being Gary's last remaining act! He hadn't actually selected him, so that places Christopher at least as his 5th choice (and I am pretty sure he would actually have been nearer 8th in Gary's list).

Once again, the bookies got it wrong. I wonder if they're actually right with Ella, still predicted to win? If you take a look at the Top 16 on X Factor USA, you may not see Ella as that good after all. Each of their female acts, including three 14 year olds, could do as good a job as Ella. That says a lot about this year's bunch. In fact, I have a feeling that, if the Granny vote doesn't continue to dominate, and current potential chart acts and big sales are better reflected, then both groups and James Arthur are the ones actually to watch. And Ella, still, who should be reliable and may fill a young Adele-type hole and is unlikely to make a mistake as each of the others might.

Just let's get rid of Old Baloney now - he really is spoiling this show.

Week 5 Review

Rylan kicks off in fine Essex style, including a clip of Amy from TOWIE training Nicole in the local habits. We then get him crashing through some sugar glass out of 'Rylan's Boutique' for some reason best known to whoever staged this. He actually sang pretty well, though and is certainly entertaining. I can imagine him getting through for another week with that.

Union J do the Taylor Swift Love Story track and make a reasonable job of it. Good choice, Louis. Slight shift of lyrics needed and it's a pity the show expects each individual band member to have his own 'slot' as they'd be better with one clear lead and the decent harmony the others can produce on tracks like this. Still, that should see them safely through.

Kye next. He's vulnerable tonight. He was before he started and certainly will be after some quite desperate effort there. He tried hard and there were mostly good notes and the upper ones were welcome but then he tried to do what stars do by high fiving the judges and prancing around oddly. That didn't work at all and he really showed his inexperience. Pretty poor.

James did No Doubt and started well but then started rapping and seemed to be struggling not to swear, It may have worked for his fans but you did get the impression that he was trying just that little bit, no, hugely actually, too ruddy hard.

Ella. Firework. No explosions. That worked very well, apart from some high notes that she doesn't seem able to manage. I could have sworn she managed notes perfectly before but this wasn't 100%. She's still favourite to win but I'm not so sure.

District3 get girls. Quite a fun number that I thought worked OK and they did a pretty reasonable job. The judges didn't, though, apart from Louis, of course. That'll be one for their fans to decide, I guess, Are there enough of them to keep them safe this week or are the bookies going to right for the first time?

Jahmene performed something I didn't recognise at first. It was a bit of a mess and he put some runs in where he couldn't quite make the notes and kinda got away with it. He's safe enough I should think, as he gets some of the Granny vote too but he needs to pick something more appealing and manageable next time.

Old Baloney. All By Myself. Wish he were, somewhere far away from my TV. Dreadful.

Let's see how the odds finished up at the end of the show.

Hmmm.. it looks like District3 v Old Baloney tomorrow night. At least there's a chance of getting rid of him after all. Even more fun would be Kye v Old Baloney.

Sometimes it's more interesting to watch the odds than the contestants...

Looking at Betfair's odds, there is little to choose between four acts vying for elimination in Week 5.

Assuming that the show does, indeed, go on as usual after Lucy's exit, District3 and Kye are the two expected to have to sing off. To be honest, though, Rylan and Old Baloney are only a whisker less fancied in that respect.

So, as someone has bound to have told them, expect them to make a particularly special effort to survive.

At the other extreme, fortunes would be made should any of Ella, Jahmene or James go home this week.

Of course, so far the bookies' favourite to go - even after they've sung - has survived each week and it's been punters' 4th choice that's gone. At the time of writing that would mean Old Baloney goes at last!!

We can only hope.

Think Before You Vote, Folks. And Liverpool Kids, Hide Granny's Phone.

Just a little reminder of what shows like X Factor can find - Carrie Underwood won American Idol in 2005. This track, sung live, no autotune or convenient vocal backing track, last week has to be one of the big ones this decade, even though there are a few years to go yet.



Remarkable lyrics and production by Carrie herself and Nashville songwriters. I'm not sure who did which but, as we settle down to watch some questionable talent on X Factor UK yet again tonight, before voting, just think to yourselves: can you really imagine Old Baloney (or, for that matter, most of the other acts) writing, singing and looking this good? As LA Reid asked on X Factor USA, Ok, you like them. But would you spend $5 million on them?

Think before you vote. Kids - hide granny's phone.