We're told this is the penultimate round of auditions which means Sunday will be the last. That's good and bad news; good because these have generally not been a great series of auditions and I have not been looking forward to seeing the show anything like as much as I used to and bad because I cannot imagine we could possibly have seen enough star quality people to populate twelve or more spaces on Live Shows.
Seriously, has anyone really stood out and made you think Now there's a potential winner? Not for me.
We get the fuzzy recaps again and I wonder whether there'll be more groups, noticeably absent so far. It's a theme park, again. X Factor must have done a deal with Alton Towers or whoever the other one is.
Spencer Sutherland has come from Ohio. Maybe they need to resurrect X Factor USA. It's Nicole's old school town and this is the first of at least three lads she genuinely fancies during the weekend. He's OK. The collar adjustment at the start is a bit dated, though, but I guess there's some hope he could improve and be entertaining.
Alex & Leon are ITG. Great Yarmouth. Bingo. Oh dear. Grannies will love them. I don't. They do an Ed Sheeran number and may have some potential but are a bit tedious. Simon agrees and says no. The others put them through, though.
Matt Linnen is the second chap for Nicole. He sings Trouble in a lazy way. It's OK and worth putting him through as he could do a great Bruce Springstein number.
Scarlet Lee is extremely tanned, embarrassingly so. Awful. She hails from Surrey and its seems Essex has spread west. She claims to be a make-up artist but I feel sorry for anyone getting made up by her. She way too much hair and that colour face! This is one of those extended auditions, supposedly for our entertainment as she gets to do another song. She has drawings of the judges that she did ten years ago. T shirts, banners get waved by her relatives outside. Jeez. This is painful. She could sing but needs an awful lot of advice to get out of bad habits and I still don't fancy seeing her on my screen. She just makes it through.
Rayelle is next. 16 and from Croydon. She's pretty good and the first modern act of the evening. Good performer too but hardly a future star at this point of the game.
Brad Howard is a model and knows he's good looking. Nicole's attracted for the third time. He does look good but he has no chance. nevertheless he makes Boot Camp. How?
Now we get the crazies. Peter Warwick is an actor. Louis likes him. Afro Swagg. Oh dear. Awful. Another Louis group. Salvco Kalezic was Montenegro's Eurovision entry this year. He has a ridiculously long pony tail that I vaguely remember being part of his act in Eurovision. He is weird. A good performer but really not someone anyone will want to vote for. Montenegro didn't even make the Final either.
Alisah has come from the Philippines and gets a lot of build up. You expect something very special but she is disappointing. No bad but it's a nervous start and many notes are not great either. In places it is painful. All very emotional, though, and as she's a sweet girl she gets through. Of course.
Having ended Saturday's show with someone reasonable you kinda hope they'll continue on Sunday as there really is a need for some good acts. Have they been saving them all up for us?
No, Oh dear #2. Two blokes in white suits. Bros but far worse than Bros. Awful. And they wonder why viewing figures are so low?!
Next we get two halves of a professional duo auditioning separately.
Johnny Wright is not very good at all.
Jenny Ball is much better. She tries to sing Titanium. That was not that great either. Maybe better than many who have been put through but i don't see her gong very far. The judges like her but she was hardly 'amazing' as they all claim.
I'm still waiting to see someone that I look forward to seeing again. This is not a great start.
Suzi Shepherd wastes most of the programme. Pathetic - very poor and obvious set-up for tv, getting her to do another number that requires some sort of change of clothing. What on earth was the point of that?!
Rueul Elijah sings This is how to do it and finally we get a reasonably good audition. His range isn't great but he has bags of personality.
Danny Lambo has three Lamborghinis, apparently. Oh dear #3. He's followed by an equally idiotic Simon who is dressed in gold and is also rubbish. Then we get Just Us. Oh dear #4. Even worse - Louis and Nicole seem to feel they need to get on stage to join them and Simon is booking the act for UK's next Eurovision entry. I am about to give up on this show. It isn't even funny. Dreadful televsion.
Berget Lewis is a big lady from Holland. She used sing in church so you get the idea of where she's coming from and where she's likely to go. She does Purple Rain and is quite professional, having been a backing singer for many years. She isn't 'fantastic' though, as the judges say. I guess after all they've had to put up with she might have seemed fantastic in comparison. She's just old style belt it out.
Well, that's all folks.
God help us.